Paint it black

Scarred 

Acrylic, Dirt, Rock on Canvas 

16″ x 20″ 

Available for $185.00

This was the first fluid painting that I had made. Clearly, did not turn out the way I had planned (you’ll see the intentional yet ruined piece below). I spent so much time researching ingredients and finding different recipes and techniques to create the perfect acrylic pour. After many attempts I finally had it down. I was so excited as it started to look like something I had imagined in my mind. It wasn’t perfect but it was working. As soon as I finished it I thought I better move it because while I was working outside on the grass my dog was next to me. I was worried that she would find a way to destroy it. And she did. She kicked up a bunch of dirt right next to it. As it was still wet the dirt and rock stuck to the paint. After seeing it’s destruction, I became uncontrollably upset and just cried over it.

I know that sounds ridiculous. And it is. But that painting wasn’t just colors on canvas for me. I relied on that painting as a way of getting through what had become my life. It was something I spent a lot of my time and energy on to get right. When I finally did, something came in and ruined it within a matter of seconds. After my meltdown, I decided to cover it up.

To paint it black.

To try something new.

To start over.

After I painted it black, I began to really feel it. I could feel each piece of it even though it looked as one. I could feel the scars of this painting, though they were better hidden once I painted it black.

I painted that about 1 year ago. I didn’t realize that this painting is a reflection of my life until today.

It finally hit me. Within a matter of seconds, all of what I had worked my butt off for was ruined. All my life, I knew what I wanted. I knew what I was working for and what my life would look like. I had a plan. I had goals and I knew how to accomplish them. I had great friends. I was in a committed relationship that I felt confident in. I valued my education and I took endless opportunities to work. I respected myself and I believed in my potential.

And then life through a big pile of garbage on top of my vision.

Little by little it all started to become one giant mess. January 20th, 2017 was the major hit. Each day after that was another piece of small rock or speck of dirt ruining my vision. Those specks were people I loved, jobs I enjoyed, places I explored. Each time I tried to fix one of those fractures I saw the mess that I left behind. Finally I realized that there was no saving this.

So, I covered it up.

I painted it black.

God poured the dirt on top of my life. After my initial shock I tried to fix it and I tried to remove the broken parts. The more I put my hand in it the bigger of a mess I created. God saw the chaos that each speck left behind. He knew that this was not the way to fix it.

So, He covered it up.

He painted it black.

He forced me to try something new.

To start over.

I still don’t understand the bigger picture. But all those parts that God has covered up are scars that I can still feel. But they are harder to find, harder to see. From afar, they all blend into the canvas – creating one cohesive image.

I believe that God is an artist because He creates masterpieces – both beautiful and haunting.

I believe that He allows dirt to come into our lives and even gives us a chance to try to Clean it up. But when that fails and we realize that we’ve just created a bigger mess, He moves us out of the way, grabs a gigantic paint brush and covers it all up.

He paints it black.

He forces us to try something new.

He allows us to start over.

Posted in Art

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