Two years ago on this date, I thought that the worst thing to happen in my life, happened. Two years later, I realize that that wasn’t the worst thing that I would endure. Hearing the words from a doctor: “your dad has stage 4 lung cancer” topped my own personal devastation. That’s the kind of news that makes you afraid to answer phone every time it rang. The kind of news that has you start your day with the fear that it will be closer and closer to his last.
My dad, hospitalized for months and unable to move, finally made it back home. My mom finally began to sleep at home again. I finally felt like I could begin to breathe again. Just two days later, our home was caught on fire.
In the midst of this chaos, we have been taken advantage of while under duress. We are now battling a fight for our own rights involving our home and belongings. All the while, I fight against my physical pain and weakness to aid in this battle, as my dad focuses his efforts in fighting for his life.
Project TheraPaint is something I created for the sake of transparency and healing. For the sake of helping people and reaching out to those who are at an all time low as I was and even continue to be. For this reason, I am transparent with my pain. People will tell you that they want to help but only if you can offer them $$$,$$$.00. People will tell you that they have your best interest but they’re only thinking of theirs. The people who do care are the ones who aren’t asking for your life in return. The ones who remind you that God is near even when he feels farther away than ever. I will be honest and say that sometimes I can’t find God in all of this. I don’t know why.
Sometimes I think that I’m not meant to live a life of joy or peace. That it will always be hard. I don’t remember the days of feeling as if life will be okay, as if there is joy in this world. Maybe there is and I just can’t find it. I don’t know.
Two years ago on this date I thought I was at my lowest. But today, I see how much lower life can get. Someone will say, it could always be worse. And maybe it could. But that’s not very comforting. I’d like to think, it could be better…and maybe it will get better in due time. When? Only God knows.