Alcohol Ink on Canvas –
22″ x 66″ altogether –
Spoken For –
Who hates these words as much as I do?
When I painted this piece, it was during the season of breakup.
In all honesty, I couldn’t let go. He used all the harsh words he could to push me away.
The harshest words of them all were “move on”.
But, how? How do you move on from a person you gave a piece of your heart to? I took a month off from my reality, fled to Cali, and turned to my family and cousins for love and healing. Fast forward some few months…he and I were able to get our heads on straight and realized that we didn’t want to move on. We wanted to move forward, together.
It is about a year later. I see these paintings now, and it doesn’t just remind me of that breakup. It reminds me of all kinds of loss. All grief, all heartache.
People will tell you to “move on”. Little do they know…
You never move on. You just move forward.
Very shortly after my dad died, my cousin was in critical condition and hospitalized for days before we lost her. A woman approached me while I was standing alone; I must have looked distressed. She asked if I knew Jesus. I told her yes, and that my dad is with Him now. I felt like a little kid in that moment. She then told me about her son’s passing many years ago. She told me that she misses him every single day. She continued on in an encouraging voice and said that she finds a way to continue forward.
She meant well, but it was more grief than relief for me to hear that.
I thought, I’ll always feel this way??
I’ll always have this aching blackness inside??
The answer is, YES. It will always be there. I will never “move on” from losing my dad. My family will never “move on” from what they’ve lost.
Whether it’s death or any other kind of heartbreak, moving on is not an option. You give a part of yourself to the people you love. Whether they give it back, take it and run, or leave this world before you, they still have that piece of you with them. There is an empty space where your love for them used to be. And instead of telling us to “move on” and fill that empty space with someone else or something else, try to understand that you’re asking of the impossible.
So, let’s stop using that awful phrase as if we can simply erase the presence and memories of our loved ones. Instead, let’s move forward in life with them.
I’ll never move on from losing my one and only, amazingly loving dad. And I don’t want to. He still teaches me so much. He effects my life decisions, still. He deserves to be carried with me every single day of my life. We’ll move forward, together.