Rawan
I remember this day. Smiling for a selfie through massive heartache…on the way to the hospital, pretending that all will be okay.
But there’s no pretending with God.
He sees all of the tears and He hears all of the cries. Nothing endured is in vain.
He will use it all for good, for His good.
All I’ve experienced in these 2.5 years have brought me closer to understanding His power.
I would love my body’s strength and endurance back; a life without waking up in pain every day, without needing help from those around me, without feeling every nerve and muscle screaming for rest. Without taking on an injury claim I am completely overwhelmed by.
I wish the house fire didn’t engrave images in my head. Images of my dad breaking his ribs while my mom and I tried to get him out of the house first. I hate every memory I have of being at the hotel. I miss my bed, my house, my paintings, my normal.
I crave my dad’s hugs…there’s nothing like a father’s comfort. His words of wisdom were incomparable! He always knew how to calm my anxiety and keep me in a positive mindset. I wish he were here now because he’s needed now more than ever.
I wish my cousin, Corinn wasn’t taken from us just weeks after losing my dad. I wish that we had a more time to discuss hair and shows and technique together.
I wish my family had time to process one kind of loss before being thrown many all at once.
But, “Count it all Joy” He says!
I take comfort in knowing that God knows what my heart needs, and in Him, all of this longing can be found.
Its taking a lot of time but He’s molding me in ways I never thought I’d accept. Instead of being a control freak, I’ve truly learned to let go and let God. That’s the only way to live…listen to where He wants to take you and then trust in Him to work it out because, I’m telling you from an excessive amount of experience, only He can.